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THE FREELUNCH PRODUCTS
There is an amazing story behind our brownies. You see, our brownies are
like nothing else on Earth -- literally! Yes, the original formula was found
in the wreckage of an alien space craft discovered in the Sahara desert over
2,000 years ago. As word spread of this delicious find, all of the known
world began coveting what was commonly referred to as "those desert
brownies." (Today, linguistic experts agree that this was the origin of the
word "dessert," as in "dessert brownies").
The recipe for these brownies have been found on the walls of ancient Egyptian tombs.
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Click to enlarge
Desert brownies were clearly depicted in this early painting of The Last Supper.
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A division of the Girl Scouts was named after this popular product.
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In fact, these legendary brownies were so revered that the ancient druids built monuments to them.
Here they are imortalized in stone in much the same formation as they were served hot from the oven.
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According to legend, the only cocoa available to produce the brownies grew on
the continent of Atlantis. The greed of the Atlantians, and their lust for a good, thick, chewy brownie, caused them to hoard all the brownies for
themselves. Such great and powerful civilizations such as the Incas, Aztecs, and Mayans all crumbled and fell from brownie deprivation. Rome burned.
Germany invaded Poland in search of alternate cocoa sources. All chronological history was in disarray. The world was in chaos!
As a result of their gluttony, and increasingly sedentary life-style, Atlantians began to gain weight at a phenomenal rate. Within weeks the
entire continent of Atlantis appeared to be occupied by 600 pound, fish-gilled sumo wrestlers. Then it happened!
From the sheer girth of its inhabitants, the entire land mass known as the
great Atlantis sank into the ocean! (In fact, it sank into the Atlantic ocean. Coincidence -- or destiny?). Although it is believed that some
Atlantians survived (and now roam our seas as Blue Whales), the Great Desert Brownie recipe was lost forever. Or was it?
After centuries of searching in vein, scientists, historians, archeologists
and Betty Crocker investors from around the world had all but given up hope.
Then, on a frigid summers day in San Francisco, in a back alley palm reading
shop, renowned psychic Walinda (Wally) Hickman began to channel for the
spirit of a 2,000 year old Atlantian caterer named Norm Ra. Norm Ra revealed
the entire Desert Brownie recipe to Walinda!
And guess who has exclusive rights to the recipe? That's right. FreeLunch
International, that's who!!!
In fact, with the technology available today, we have even been able to
improve on the great recipe of our Martian neighbors. FreeLunch distributors who have invited their friends and family over for
dinner (really to sell them our "dessert" brownies, of course) claimed sales
in excess of many dollars in just one night! And those friends they still
have left are reordering like crazy!
Our brownies are so good, they literally sell themselves. Seriously! There
have been many cases where these amazing brownies have been seen jumping
right out of kitchen cabinets, running across the counter, picking up the
telephone and calling people to tell them about themselves (which is quite an
accomplishment for a non-vertebrate snack food without opposable thumbs).
And
not only do our
brownies taste really
good, they also
cure every disease
known to science,
enhance your sex
life, increases
your intelligence,
lowers your golf
score, totally eliminates
all memory of the
70's, and makes
you look ten years
younger (which can
be kind of gross
when fed to a nine-and-a-half
year old, so be
careful).
Not only that, but having a FreeLunch brownie in your hand can dramatically
increase your self esteem, fashion sense and, well, it just makes you look downright cool! Take a look at these amazing before and after photos...
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Here's me sans brownie
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Here's me with brownie
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And our brownies can do the same FOR YOU!!!
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